January 31 and It’s Peaceful Hurricane

Today is the last day of January and today I am feeling a little inspired. My dad just got off the phone with me telling me that my mother was in the emergency room for the numb tongue that she has been experiencing. They say it could be stress induced, based on my possible tussle with ovarian cancer. The only thing that I could think to do was grab a cup of coffee and sit down to write.
This week has been like a fatal hurricane. You know it is coming and you can see it in the distance. So you sit back and try your best to prepare for the complete unknown severity of the situation. You’re on your porch rocking chair, the air is starting to swirl around you and you just wait. All you can do at this point is wait. Every road way out is blocked, every highway jammed, the sky is turning black and you know how much time is left.
Then the storm hits, quietly at first but then picking up into a roar that fills your body from your ears to your toes. You can feel it in your stomach, and you can feel it in your chest. You can feel your fingertips itching to grab onto something, anything to hold you down to the ground, but the wind and rain begin to lift you up into a whirlwind of possibility. It’s not how you pictured this moment would look like. You figured chaos; you figured it would look similarly to Dorothy in the tornado with a wicked witch flying by and ominous music being played by the undertones of the wind. But that’s not how it is at all, it’s completely silent. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful. And for one moment, you feel like you’re flying because never once in your entire life have you ever felt so free. But that only lasts a minute because suddenly the wind deposits you to the ground like a falling piano, crushed and broken. And dead.
As for me, I am in that first stage where I am sitting there looking into the distance and I am completely enthralled in the foreshadowing. Could it all be alright in the end? Absolutely. Could it not? Absolutely. Only time will really tell. Yes, I have hope but unfortunately I was born a realist. And maybe this is the single most real and humbling thing to ever happen to me. Maybe not. I am constantly caught up in that eye of the storm… between the two entities of the storm. Just sitting patiently and peacefully waiting for the next slam to slap me in the face, pick me up, and deposit me somewhere completely new. Whether that is dead or alive, I won’t know until the deposit.


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